Hoenheim The Pimp
by derp derp
Summary: After wooing Lieutenant Ross, Hoenheim Elric decided to try his luck and see how many other people he can get.


This was going to be a tough one.

Not only because Edward was constantly glaring at him, but because the other military officers didn't seem as easy as that Maria Ross person. It wasn't like he meant to flirt with her really... it was just something that happened. And he would never, never cheat on his beloved Trisha but it was nice to have some options...? Okay so maybe that thought was a little creepy.

Okay so first off was that blonde in the corner, who wore a permanent scowl on her face. He wondered briefly why that was, maybe because that dark haired male wasn't putting out enough? Or maybe he was gay? Or maybe she was a lesbian? She looked it. Either way, she didn't look very happy.

Now what was her name? He could never remember.

"You must be Riza Hawkeye, right?" Hoenheim Elric asked as he approached the woman, who was cleaning her gun. She looked up at him with a sort of scowl on her face before nodding lightly and returning to her gun. "That's right," She said in an uninterested tone, which put him off a little. "Ah yes, I've heard a few stories running around about the beautiful woman under Colonel Mustang's command with a great aim," He said casually, taking a seat beside her.

She looked up and gave him a weird sort of stare, only the slightest blush across her cheeks. "Is that so," She said before glancing away again. "Mhm," He said with a nod of his own. "They say her hair is the colour of a field of the most golden wheat, eyes dazzling like hazel nuts in the winter time, a very beautiful sight," He began with a distant tone in his voice, his eyes looking out of the window. "I had believed it to be you, but I wanted to check because I didn't expect her to be as beautiful as you are." He smiled softly as he turned his attention to her.

Obviously that was too much for her, as she'd gone bright red. He wondered if she'd ever been complimented like that before. "T-thank you..." She stuttered with a light smile, eyeing him for a moment before looking away and blushing even more if possible. "Oh don't need to thank me, I'm only stating the truth after all," Hoenheim said before he got up. "Now if you'll excuse me," And with that, he moved off.

One down.

Two to go.

Padding in to the kitchen, he spotted a raven haired male leaning on the counter, looking out of the window with a glazed expression on his face. "Is something the matter?" Hoenheim asked smoothly, standing himself beside the Colonel and following his eyes out of the window. This seemed to surprised Mustang as he jumped slightly before shaking his head and briefly watching the older Elric with his onxy gaze. "No, just thinking," He said simply, not really wanting to talk to the blond, but he didn't seem to have the choice at the moment. After all he was staying in someone else's house, so he couldn't exactly kick him out.

Hoenheim got the feeling this one was going to be a little more tougher than the other two. But he would try his best. "Well, I'm sure what ever your decision is, it'll be the right one," He started, cupping his hands behind his back and simply watching. Mustang rose a brow at him before he turned away again. "I hope so," He said in a calm tone, closing his eyes and heaved a sigh. "Don't worry Colonel, you're a good man, I'm very confident you'll do the right then at the end of the day," Hoenheim turned to Mustang and put a reassuring hand on the man's shoulder before he smiled and moved off again, knowing he'd done his job.

Mustang watched after Hoenheim with a slightly confused expression before he smiled and looked out of the window again with another sigh.

Next on the list: Denny Brosh.

If only he could find the damned man... he didn't seem to be around the house, no matter where Hoenheim looked. Best to check out side then.

And so with that, big pimp Hoenheim went outside and look a brief glance around before he spotted the male in question and walked over with a friendly smile. "Hello, you must be Denny Brosh?" He said to the man, taken aback as Denny turned to give him the deadliest look he'd ever seen in his life. "You made Maria blush," Denny growled, standing up and clenching his fists in a dangerous way. "I-I-I... um..." Hoenheim held up his hands in defense and took a step back as Denny advanced to him.

"DIE!!!!"

"TRISHAAAAAAAAA!!!"


End file.
